'Avant-garde' is French for bullshit

Hi ya'll. Been a while, hasn't it? Sorry, I've been rather busy. Moved to Europe about 6 and a half weeks ago. Teaching English as a foreign language now. Had my first classes yesterday. I live in a great part of town here, down the street from a metro stop, and a five minute walk away from Riegrovy Sady, a park here. Been meeting lots of new people, doing lots of new things. I'm learning how to juggle, which is fun. Can't complain too much. Hey, at least I have a job again! I also spent a few days in Berlin, which was a blast. Other than that, there's little else to report at the moment. How have you all been?

In a scene similar to what's going on in the Tour de France, yesterday I crashed my bicycle into the entrance of a tunnel on a bike trail. High speed, old brake pads, and a delayed reaction equals flesh getting scraped against concrete. That's the problem with bicycles....when you have two tires that are about as wide as a nickel and you are negotiating turns at 20+ mpb, bad things WILL happen. The worst part is that I suffered a flat front tire too and had to walk my bike nearly 5 miles back home, while bleeding and stuff. When I got home, I treated my wounds with hydrogen peroxide and bandages (for the record: three bloody knuckles, a long, painful gash on my forearm that looks remarkably like the Nike logo, a circular bruise on my thigh from where my leg went flying into the handlebars, and a straight scrape on my opposite shin). While I was already in pain, I decided now was as good as time as any to get my 10 year tetanus shot. Today? Throbbing pain everywhere. Yesterday I popped two of my mom's 800 mg prescription Motrin pills, and while they help, there isn't total pain elimination. Ah well. No pain, no glory as they say.

Today I went to Sports Authority to buy a backpack for the upcoming move to Prague. Hard to believe I will be gone in less than three weeks. Tomorrow is my going away party, which promises to be fun. I wish more (or, uh, any) of my old friends from Chicago can make it, but making a 10 hour roundtrip for one evening of party is hard to negotiate, especially in this economy. Tonight is the old Maryville Homecoming, which I will be walking to, drinking, seeing friends from high school or even earlier, and then walking home.

Inexplicably, I have only been sleeping 3 or 4 hours a night for the past three nights. 

Oh, and McSweeneys.net is having a contest for acquiring new columnists to write, say, two columns a month. I pitched my whole "teaching English in a foreign country" premise to them, with the selections being made roundabout August 7th. It would be a total bonus if I manage to score this gig, although I am sure the competition is quite fierce. We shall see.

It's bad enough feeling like the 3rd wheel when amongst friends. I, however, have the notable distinction of being the 5th wheel. Heck, last night I was the 7th wheel. My friends Jeremy and Matt have both recently gotten involved with someone in the last few weeks, whereas I - already relationship wary - maintain singular status, especially since I am going to be leaving the country indefinitely in two months time. So now, they go out in pairs, and I'm suckered in to tagging along with them all as "the friend." I suppose it's mostly an issue of jealousy on my part. For so long, the three of us have been like the Three Muskateers, or Three Amigos, defiant until the end. But now, it seems like since my time here is marked, I am gradually being phased out. Which is silly, of course. I can realize that. Maybe it only reminds me of what a wretched soul I am, forever doomed to a solitary life of misery and pain, dying alone in a bed somewhere, buried in an unmarked grave. Pardon the purple prose. I won't digress into bitter stories of my lack of lasting success in the love department. What am I, though? Too stubborn? Too free-spirited? Too obnoxious? Too boring? Too often I feel like there is a transparent piece of glass set up between me and the rest of the world. Not to be partisan, but is there anyone else on my side of the wall?

I, like, haven't had stuff to write about. I'm sure I could have come up with something, but, well, didn't. I don't think I'm suffering from burnout, I'm just doing more outdoorsy type things. Haven't felt like writing much, either here, or on a blog, or with a new book or stories, or, especially, with re-conceptualizing my query letter to agents. My friend Steve said, "You already wrote a book. You deserve a break." So I'm taking a break, living it up here in the now before I ship off to Prague at the end of July. Speaking of which, I need to buy plane tickets. Why is one way more expensive than round trip? I don't get it. Think I'm going to ship out on a Wednesday.

This weekend I am traveling down to Bull Shoals, Arkansas on a fishing trip with my dad. In addition to our fishing gear, we are also taking two 30 packs of Busch beer and a bottle of black label Johnny Walker. We are going to get rip-roaring drunk and fish. Can't wait.

I also have a thing for a waitress named Devon. It seems like she likes me too, but alas, she also has one of those pesky boyfriend thingies. Knowing me, this is pretty typical.

I've been accepted into the TEFL program at the Caledonian School in Prague! And upon successful completion of the course, I have a full-time job guarantee within their school! Well, how's about that!?

Man my life sucks lately. I have no job, no agents want to represent my book, i had to back out of a trip to chicago at the last minute due to being laid off, and now, the one thing that i was looking forward to over the last few weeks - seeing bloc party perform live - isn't going to happen now. they've canceled two days before show....because the singer has contracted viral pharyngitis....a sore throat. ugh, i'm so disgusted.

in my ongoing quest for taoist balance, i have decided to quit drinking for an indefinite period of time. i admit it will be strange going out with my friends and drinking club soda or coke or whatever, but i've been getting hints from my body to live a purer life.

My book is now posted entirely online. You can read it at:

http://asongforzooey.wordpress.com

I cleaned my bathroom today. It wasn't as horrible as some of you might imagine. Just a little sponging and mopping and voila! Like new.

In other, abrupt news, did you hear that national news story yesterday about the pastor that got murdered at the Baptist church at the end of his sermon? Yeah, that happened like a few miles away from my house. I drive past it all the time to and from Jeremy's house. Crazy, huh?

Oh, and I finally broke down and created a blog. I want a wider venue for my writing besides waiting around for agents and publishers (anachronistic anymore anyhow), and this seems like a good place to vent creatively. I'll still have a use for livejournal of course, so don't expect me to go anywhere.

But to see a different shade of me, you are more than welcome to visit me at:

http://www.cosmophonics.wordpress.com

Let's talk about how corrupt Illinois governor Rod Blagojevich will have a book published before me. Life is beautiful.

Ooops....where did $61.7 billion go?

I sent off more letters today, and am now about to begin a second book.

I have a blanket covering my legs, a cold beer on the table beside me, a book by julio cortazar within arm's reach, and music playing on the stereo.

So after deciding my previous letter was a bloated, vague piece of crap, I have been tinkering with it and sharpening it with a grindstone to make it more suitable for future send-offs. Here is the revised edition:
-------------------------------------------------

Do you ever think about the one that got away? David Boyer is on the cusp of adolescence, looking to define himself, when he finds an unexpected guide and muse in Zooey, a girl he almost met on a plane.

Call it coincidence, kismet, or fate. When David walked reluctantly off that plane empty-handed, he found his true destination changed forever. Beginning with that nascent, rippling moment, A SONG FOR ZOOEY traces eighteen years of David’s life as he transforms from boy to man. We next see him attending his first year of college. Impulsive and unanchored, a part of David yearns for connection. He finds himself taken in by his roommate Richard “Wally” Walton. Confidant, antagonist, and notorious social firefly, Wally pokes and prods David, pushing him towards the edge of a profound realization.

After dropping out, David finds himself in Chicago, trying to put together a rock band with Wally’s enigmatic cousin Vera. Before long, a friend’s drug problem puts the band’s skyrocketing future in jeopardy, his romance crumbles, and the sudden death of a loved one sends David tumbling. Following a series of memorable reunions that bring him full circle, he boards another plane. Finally ready to make right what once went wrong.

A SONG FOR ZOOEY is complete at 118,000 words. I believe my work will appeal to fans of Nick Hornby’s “High Fidelity” and those drawn to the dreamlike, lyrical writing of Haruki Murakami. Would you be interested in reading a few sample chapters or perhaps the entire manuscript?

I submitted to 6 agents today. Got a few more in reserve, although they frown upon email queries, so perhaps I'll send letters to them in the coming days. I hope the response is favorable. Wish me luck!

Some of you have been reading my journal for a long time, listening to me blab on and on about the book without me ever really explaining what it's all about. Sorry about that. For the longest time it was an extremely difficult and convoluted question for me to answer. But, the times have changed. I've finally managed to put together a good query letter to send off to literary agents later today. First, however, I'd like to share the hook and synopsis with you guys and gals. Tell me what you think!

********************

Do you ever think about the one that got away? David Boyer is on the cusp of adolescence, looking to define himself, when he finds an unexpected guide and muse in Zooey, a girl he almost met on a plane.

Call it coincidence, kismet, or fate. When David walked reluctantly off that plane empty-handed, he found his true destination changed forever. Beginning with that nascent moment, A SONG FOR ZOOEY traces eighteen years of David’s life as he blossoms from boy to man. We next see him as a handsome, everyday sort of guy attending his first year of college. He finds himself taken under the wing of his roommate Richard “Wally” Walton. Friend, confidant, and notorious social firefly, Wally prods and pries at David, stirring up something utterly profound inside of him.

After dropping out, David finds himself in Chicago, trying to put together a rock band with Wally’s enigmatic cousin Vera. Before long, a friend’s drug problem puts the band in jeopardy, his romance crumbles, and the death of a loved one sends David tumbling into a reflective seclusion. Following a series of memorable reunions that bring him full circle, he boards another plane. Finally ready to take control of his destiny.

I feel sick to my stomach. I just found out a few minutes ago that my ex-girlfriend, Lindsey V. Arnold-Zimmer and her husband Adam were killed by a drunk driver (who lived) less than 24 hours ago. She was due to have a baby in mid-July too. I haven't dated anyone since her, almost 4 years ago. I'm at a loss for words...I don't know what else to say. I'm sad to see you go, Lindsey. You were a great gal.

I submitted my book to McSweeneys for publication. It's a long shot for sure, but I don't see the harm in trying.

I have basically finally finished my query letter. The hook and synopsis are pretty well polished - just need to do the author bio. I have narrowed my agent search down to about nine thus far, although initially I will probably send queries to five or six people starting off. If no one bites at first, I'll just have to revise and try again. Again, maybe I'll get lucky. But forget luck, I feel pretty darn confident in the quality of my work. People besides my close friends and, ya know, parents, have assured me the book doesn't suck, so there's a good reason to hope.

i've accumulated about as many new ideas as china has people. that means it's about time to get seriously creative again.

last day of work today!

yaaay!

I've been busy.

Tomorrow I have a job interview with a company I will probably say no to, but it's worth at least going there to find out what they will offer me.

Also tomorrow my decision is due on whether I am going to:

1) go back to part-time, supplemental status at FedEx and:
a) take almost a $3.50 pay cut
b) lose my insurance
c) have no guarantee of available hours to work

2) take a 90 day lay off with:
a) the option to return to supplemental status after 30 or 90 days
b) the option to accept a $3000 taxable "severance package" after the 90 days

I have decided I am going with option 2b. Although I may return to work if the work levels pick up over the course of the spring, I think I have a wonderful opportunity to go and do new things. Which is why come this August, I will likely be enrolling in a 4 week TEFL (teaching English as a foreign language) course at the Caledonian School in Prague, Czech Republic. And then, after successful completion of the course, they offer a job guarantee at their school. I CAN'T WAIT! I have long talked about it, and now is finally the time to act.

In the mean time, I am going to file for unemployment and hopefully find some under-the-table work to try and save money. If I can find a good paying job in the interim that will pay me more than what unemployment will, I'll take it, but in this crummy economy, I'm not holding my breath.

I'm off to sleep!